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Sep. 16th, 2011

I miss my friends and family, i really hate studying in uitm dungun. I feel so miserable and get really moody. It's not fair to amalina for me to treat her like this. She deserves better, i'm trying to be more nice to her but i just can't control my emotions.

I thought i can adapt and survive studying here but i'm going mental inside my head, i feel SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME. The rage inside me is getting uncontrollable each day.. The image of getting nervous breakdown, throwing chairs at the class keep rewinding inside my head. Should i go to the consouler?.. But i'm sure i would get the classic speech of i should be grateful of uitm for letting me study to further my education.

I thought i was strong enough to survive but apparently i just can't, 1 semester passed but i still can't remove the miserable feeling. What should i do?, people thought i'm doing well with my studies but emotionally i'm not.

Sharing link from other lj.. NO THANK YOU

I don't shares subbed video link to others even to my friend because it's not that hard to join a community. All you need to do is create an lj account, comment at the subbers lj and click the join button. Some community may takes time to accept membership but if you really want the subbed video then it doesn't really matter.

I'm also very stingy especially towards kpop subbed, most of the forum required 30-50 post, some even required 100 post. It takes time to post and all i could think is that if you have the time to download, you might as well have the time to post at the forum. It's not that hard to do. It's also damn easy if you have money, you could donate and become a donator which have more privilege than normal member.

Tbh, i don't like my hard work being leech off by lazy people.
I'm the type of person who likes to confuse herself, i keep changing my priority and don't have a firm believe on what i want. 2 part time job but i only can choose one..

If i choose guardian, i don't have to worry about transport since it's a walkable distance from my home. The disadvantage is that i don't feel comfortable since the shop doesn't really need help and the supervisor was being forced to hire me. I feel like i'm a burden to them..

Uluwatu on the other hand really needs a worker and they already did a timetable for us worker. They want a temp worker for a month and i want to work for a month. That fits me and i'm happy that i managed to get the job on my own.

I don't want to feel miserable again because i follow other's people decision. If i feel really miserable at uluwatu, at least i did it to myself..

Jul. 31st, 2011

Am i not capable of doing thing on my own? Why does everything have to be complicated? I don't want to get a job bcos of my father connection? It was hard for me to survive in CIMB... I hated working there.. i was so lonely, i don't have anyone to eat with and feel that everyone look down on me. People will talk about me and i would feel damn uncomfortable. The fact that i don't know what i really want and can be easily swayed is fucking annoying. I'm so bloody confused now.. my dad likes to put me in this situation.

Jul. 19th, 2011

Because i'm such a lazy bum, this is my 2nd attempt in subbing. Aegisub is freaking hard to use, the video tutorial are just too confusing for non english speaker like me to understand. I decided that i would just learn using aegisub on my own, so far so good and the result are reasonable but not satisfying enough.


Kat-tun - Bokura no machi de pv. One of my fav kat-tun video.. Tbh i'm not satisfied with the result due to it's low size and inconsistent subbing.

Translation credit to : http://ninefly.livejournal.com/

Job Interview

I went for my first job interview, compared to my siblings i lack the enthusiasm to work or earn money since it's easy for me to get money from my parents. The downside is that i can't really buy things that i really want, i have to take this opportunity to try out new things..

People said that IT students lack the skill to socialize with human being and i somewhat agree with it, we spend so much time with among ourselves and computer that it feels so awkward to socialize with people. I believe by working, i don't only get to have my own money but also improve my social skill. I have to change my habit of looking sullen and more cheerful.

I hope everything goes well!
People wouldn't expect that i'm a big fan of Jpop/Kpop since i don't really show any signs that i like them publicly. I don't like to share my fandom with other people especially people from the uni, they can be too obsessed with the fandom that i find it too uncomfortable. I support my artist by buying their merchandise, cds, dvds, drama and i don't really care what they do in the real life as long as they do job properly that is performing for the fans. Heck i even ship some of the rumoured scandal between idols..

That's why i find it's too disturbing with female fans slut shaming or name calling female artist who are rumoured to be with their idols. To be honest, what are the percentage of these fans to be with their idols unless they are working or know someone in the entertainment industry. I just hope their action doesn't haunt them back when they're older.

Jul. 9th, 2011

I don't like polls in fandom, bcos it only bring bad news and bitter butthurt people. There are people who can't accept the fact that perhaps it's okay to chill when their favourite is not winning. Not everyone have the same taste and opinion, or else we would be wearing,eating the same thing around the world.

Jul. 7th, 2011

My favourite JE show would be Ya-ya-yah before it got boring, i miss where they have to stupid stuff that makes them so weak and embarrassing yet entertaining. Why can't YYJUMP be like that, it's boring to see them act all idol where what we want to see is their fail side.
So far, since 2009. I have 2 goals to achieve which is

1. To re-learn how to drive a car.
2. Lose weight.

2 years and none of this have been achieved yet..

I'm turning 22 years old and see most of idols and friends from school that i admire have achieved so much yet i haven't achieve any. I think this occurs because of my behaviour, i can be very negative, pessimistic, easy to give up.

Nothing is impossible and easy, hard work and dedication are needed to strive on. I need to push myself instead of being a lazy bum. I realized it after having to study in a place far from my beloved friends, i pushed myself to study in the library despite how lonesome can it be to study alone and how cold the place was. I managed to prove to myself and to others when i achieve a dean list for my last semester examination. This definitely boost my confidence and to achieve better!!